Comiserating with Job

I awoke with a heavy heart this morning. This year has not started off very well. I had hoped and prayed that this would be a year of new beginnings, but I don't see signs of anything changing yet. Can I whine a little? Please have mercy on me. I'm in a long, horrible, seemingly unending divorce. Many of you don't know me or my circumstances, and there is waaaaay too much to try to get into details about why. I will tell you that I sought Godly counsel of professional Christian counselors and several pastors, and they agree I am justified in divorcing. Anyway, the lawyers are supposed to be working on settlement papers (have been since October), so I hoped this year would bring some relief. I still hope it will, but like Job, I just don't see how I'm going to make it much longer.

I know what it's like to have people judge me unfairly, like Job's friends did. They don't know what our life was really like. We had an image of the perfect little Christian family, so some people just assume I went crazy. I have also been told things like I must be too close to my parents (untrue, he virtually isolated me from them), that I am selfish and out of God's will, and that I am led by demons. All the while I am trying to honor God and not tell these people the dark truths of what our home was really like. I have also prayed, like Job, that God would kill me before letting me dishonor His name. I must tell you, though, that He is merciful and has not answered that prayer. Unlike Job, I have let the stress of all this get to me and have said plenty of things I shouldn't. I am not nearly as upright as Job, and have had to ask God to forgive me and rescue me from sin many times. My biggest struggle right now is with the sins of bitterness and hate. God, please help me keep on forgiving and don't let these evils take root in my heart.

Then, last night I had a scary run in with mean and controlling X. So, again today I cried out to God for help. I'm tired of being afraid. I'm tired of fearing for my children. I'm tired of feeling unsafe. I'm tired of seeing injustice continue. I'm tired of struggling. I'm weary because I see no end in sight for these things. My Bible was opened, and I looked up and saw Psalm 31:2, "Turn Your ear to listen to me; rescue me quickly. Be my rock of protection, a fortress where I will be safe." Then verse 7, "I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for You have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul." Ya'll, I take so much comfort in knowing that God is with me, otherwise I couldn't survive. But, God didn't rescue Job right away, and I have no promise that He'll rescue us soon either. I am just so grateful that He hasn't abandoned me. I know Jesus is with me and He loves me. I know He sees me and He cares. I don't know what to do but keep clinging to Jesus, and contact my lawyer again. Ya'll, please pray for me and my children that God would protect us and provide for us. Please pray that God would have His will and be glorified in me. Thank you.

If anyone has any encouragement to give, I'd appreciate your comments. I apologize for being so pathetic and laying my heartache out there for you all to see. I assure you this only skims the surface; I didn't show you the maggots. ;) Thank you God that I've not suffered anywhere near as much as Job!!!